Camp Part II, Structure, Failure.
Reminiscing about the memories from camp, I totally wish that I could just fly back there forever. But then I realize, I'm in the real world now. I can't just pick up and leave everything behind. There's school, parents, friends, and always the hindering part, money. A previous entry was my wish list of the places I would want to live each season of the year, but is it realistic? Probably not. It's just wishful thinking. However, when you think about it, shouldn't we just pick up and leave? Why are we spending so much of our lives in this cycle of study, work, sleep, study, work, sleep? We're studying for--a job. We work for--money. With money comes bills which leads to--work. And the whole cycle begins again.
Think about it. Where in this cycle does God fit in? I'm currently reading Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey, and the preface talks about 9/11. When those planes hit, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, stopped what they were doing. People dropped everything. Why? Because our world was shaken. I don't exactly know where I'm heading here, but I think I'm talking about how our lives are so based on routine. Wake up, go to school/work, come home, study/work some more, sleep, wake up. Everyday it's like this, and for myself, I've felt like I'm in a rut that I can't get out of.
For many, routine is the structure in their lives. It's what they hang on to everyday, it's pretty much their will to live. But pretty soon they come to realize that there's no point to their routine, and their structure falls apart, leaving them to wonder what their lives are about.
Camp
For 4-5 weeks, if you include VBS, I've had extreme structure in my life. 6:30-7:00 mornings, chapel, activities, lunch, free time etc. The whole 24 hours of the day was all mapped out. I didn't have to worry about what I'm going to do next because I already know. It's all there for me. I LOVED the structure of camp. It filled up my whole day leaving nothing to nothingness. And most of all, it was all about God.
Come home, the first day I crashed. The second day I crashed. Then reality set in. I'm not at camp anymore. I don't have to wake up at 7, ok, I'll wake up at 12! Then what? Make some breakfast, eat in front of the TV, hm.....NAP! wake up at 6, ums....dinner? ok...surf the net for a while...WHAT? It's 2am? Where did the day go? And this goes on and on until I went to school.
During those 2 weeks after camp, I've never been so unproductive in my life (with exceptions...). And I was not impressed with myself. I let myself down. FAILED. The funny things is, during the last few days at camp, one of the talks was about how camp is just a bubble. Yes, we're all for God here, but it's easy to do that when the environment is all about God. There's no distractions that will tempt you (figuratively speaking that is...because there was distractions that I'm not proud of), and there's a supportive group that will keep you accountible. The talk was for us especially, when we go home.
The challenge: Will YOU, act the same was as you did in camp? Will you show that Jesus lives in you to all you encounter? Will you be AFRAID of dropping everything for Him?
Failure.
I lost that structure. I let my guard down. I went back to my old self. I failed God. I get depressed and angry with myself. This sucks. I fell back into my old routine. By fell back I mean I lost to temptation. Temptation may be a harsher word, but to me, distractions from God are temptations.
As I continued reading Soul Survivor, a passage that Yancey quoted from Leo Tolstoy hit me.
"Teach me how to escape from the net of temptations that surrounds me, help me and I will fulfil them; even without help I wish and hope to fulfil them."
By the "fulfil them", he was talking about what he learned from religion. Tolstoy tried to put into actions the teachings of Jesus. One example was about the rich young man who wanted to follow Jesus, but didn't want to give up his worldly possessions. Tolstoy literally sold his house, freed his servants etc. But what happened is that he didn't really fulfil what he wanted (to give away his possessions etc.). Tolstoy sold his house---to his wife and still lived in the house; he freed his servants---yet was still served breakfast etc. FAILURE! But I like about that quote is that he knew he failed, didn't like that he failed, and asked for help.
Back to my own life. There are things that I've done and continue to do that I'm not proud of. It's a temptation that's eating away at me. I know that giving in to that temptation will eventually destroy me, and I have been battling it for a long long time, but it's extremely hard to resist. What encourages me though, is a passage that has been drilled into my head for a long time.
1. God won't let you be tempted outside of what you can bear, and when there is temptation, there's always a way out.
2. Hebrews 12:4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
When I think about 2, it's always a little scary, and it's also encouraging to know that you don't have to take it literally because God will help you if only you ask it.
But then the question pops up.
What if you fail so many times that you just don't care? It's not like you don't care, but you're so accustomed to it that you don't ever think you can get out of it, or you just feel so distant from God that you're ashamed?
I've had that feeling many many times, and I've hated the fact that I'm so ashamed of myself for failing that I can't even stare at a bible sometimes. But I think that I'm so much more scared of what will happen to my life without God there, that I remember those Sunday school answers/teachings, that I know that He forgave all my sins, that if I only truly REPENT, I'll have a clean slate and my shame will be taken away. Praise God that Jesus is ALIVE!!!
On a side note, when writing this out, I wanted to share another bit from the book but I had no clue of where to stick it...so here it is:
I hope I don't get tagged for Plagerism, but this is just my reitteration.
I was so encouraged by the part where Yancey talked about his time with Dr. Paul Brand who was an orthapedist who treated leper patients. If you want to know more, I totally recommend the book. But to make it short, just one little part about Dr. Brand. He could have been a medical doctor at this huge hospital, and for his work that he's done, he could have won the nobel prize etc. Yet, he opted to live in India on an Indian income, live off the land, and treat lepers who were castoffs. Instead of treating people and getting rich, he chose to heal the shunned, to treat them as people, to love them. Without Dr. Brand, hundreds and hundreds of lepers would have no meaning in their lives. Dr. Brand opted to be a missionary to those people and transform their lives.
A quote from Brand:
"Because of where I practiced medicine, I never made much money at it. But I tell you that as I look back over a lifetiem of surgery, the host of friends who once were patients bring me more joy than wealth could ever bring. I first met them when they were suffereing and afraid. As their doctor I shared their pain. Now that I am old, it is their love and gratitude that illuminates the continuing pathway of my life. It's strange--those of us who involve ourselves in places where there is the most suffereing, look back in surprise to find that it was there that we discovered the reality of joy."
Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey, page 85
Reminiscing about the memories from camp, I totally wish that I could just fly back there forever. But then I realize, I'm in the real world now. I can't just pick up and leave everything behind. There's school, parents, friends, and always the hindering part, money. A previous entry was my wish list of the places I would want to live each season of the year, but is it realistic? Probably not. It's just wishful thinking. However, when you think about it, shouldn't we just pick up and leave? Why are we spending so much of our lives in this cycle of study, work, sleep, study, work, sleep? We're studying for--a job. We work for--money. With money comes bills which leads to--work. And the whole cycle begins again.
Think about it. Where in this cycle does God fit in? I'm currently reading Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey, and the preface talks about 9/11. When those planes hit, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, stopped what they were doing. People dropped everything. Why? Because our world was shaken. I don't exactly know where I'm heading here, but I think I'm talking about how our lives are so based on routine. Wake up, go to school/work, come home, study/work some more, sleep, wake up. Everyday it's like this, and for myself, I've felt like I'm in a rut that I can't get out of.
For many, routine is the structure in their lives. It's what they hang on to everyday, it's pretty much their will to live. But pretty soon they come to realize that there's no point to their routine, and their structure falls apart, leaving them to wonder what their lives are about.
Camp
For 4-5 weeks, if you include VBS, I've had extreme structure in my life. 6:30-7:00 mornings, chapel, activities, lunch, free time etc. The whole 24 hours of the day was all mapped out. I didn't have to worry about what I'm going to do next because I already know. It's all there for me. I LOVED the structure of camp. It filled up my whole day leaving nothing to nothingness. And most of all, it was all about God.
Come home, the first day I crashed. The second day I crashed. Then reality set in. I'm not at camp anymore. I don't have to wake up at 7, ok, I'll wake up at 12! Then what? Make some breakfast, eat in front of the TV, hm.....NAP! wake up at 6, ums....dinner? ok...surf the net for a while...WHAT? It's 2am? Where did the day go? And this goes on and on until I went to school.
During those 2 weeks after camp, I've never been so unproductive in my life (with exceptions...). And I was not impressed with myself. I let myself down. FAILED. The funny things is, during the last few days at camp, one of the talks was about how camp is just a bubble. Yes, we're all for God here, but it's easy to do that when the environment is all about God. There's no distractions that will tempt you (figuratively speaking that is...because there was distractions that I'm not proud of), and there's a supportive group that will keep you accountible. The talk was for us especially, when we go home.
The challenge: Will YOU, act the same was as you did in camp? Will you show that Jesus lives in you to all you encounter? Will you be AFRAID of dropping everything for Him?
Failure.
I lost that structure. I let my guard down. I went back to my old self. I failed God. I get depressed and angry with myself. This sucks. I fell back into my old routine. By fell back I mean I lost to temptation. Temptation may be a harsher word, but to me, distractions from God are temptations.
As I continued reading Soul Survivor, a passage that Yancey quoted from Leo Tolstoy hit me.
"Teach me how to escape from the net of temptations that surrounds me, help me and I will fulfil them; even without help I wish and hope to fulfil them."
By the "fulfil them", he was talking about what he learned from religion. Tolstoy tried to put into actions the teachings of Jesus. One example was about the rich young man who wanted to follow Jesus, but didn't want to give up his worldly possessions. Tolstoy literally sold his house, freed his servants etc. But what happened is that he didn't really fulfil what he wanted (to give away his possessions etc.). Tolstoy sold his house---to his wife and still lived in the house; he freed his servants---yet was still served breakfast etc. FAILURE! But I like about that quote is that he knew he failed, didn't like that he failed, and asked for help.
Back to my own life. There are things that I've done and continue to do that I'm not proud of. It's a temptation that's eating away at me. I know that giving in to that temptation will eventually destroy me, and I have been battling it for a long long time, but it's extremely hard to resist. What encourages me though, is a passage that has been drilled into my head for a long time.
1. God won't let you be tempted outside of what you can bear, and when there is temptation, there's always a way out.
2. Hebrews 12:4 In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
When I think about 2, it's always a little scary, and it's also encouraging to know that you don't have to take it literally because God will help you if only you ask it.
But then the question pops up.
What if you fail so many times that you just don't care? It's not like you don't care, but you're so accustomed to it that you don't ever think you can get out of it, or you just feel so distant from God that you're ashamed?
I've had that feeling many many times, and I've hated the fact that I'm so ashamed of myself for failing that I can't even stare at a bible sometimes. But I think that I'm so much more scared of what will happen to my life without God there, that I remember those Sunday school answers/teachings, that I know that He forgave all my sins, that if I only truly REPENT, I'll have a clean slate and my shame will be taken away. Praise God that Jesus is ALIVE!!!
On a side note, when writing this out, I wanted to share another bit from the book but I had no clue of where to stick it...so here it is:
I hope I don't get tagged for Plagerism, but this is just my reitteration.
I was so encouraged by the part where Yancey talked about his time with Dr. Paul Brand who was an orthapedist who treated leper patients. If you want to know more, I totally recommend the book. But to make it short, just one little part about Dr. Brand. He could have been a medical doctor at this huge hospital, and for his work that he's done, he could have won the nobel prize etc. Yet, he opted to live in India on an Indian income, live off the land, and treat lepers who were castoffs. Instead of treating people and getting rich, he chose to heal the shunned, to treat them as people, to love them. Without Dr. Brand, hundreds and hundreds of lepers would have no meaning in their lives. Dr. Brand opted to be a missionary to those people and transform their lives.
A quote from Brand:
"Because of where I practiced medicine, I never made much money at it. But I tell you that as I look back over a lifetiem of surgery, the host of friends who once were patients bring me more joy than wealth could ever bring. I first met them when they were suffereing and afraid. As their doctor I shared their pain. Now that I am old, it is their love and gratitude that illuminates the continuing pathway of my life. It's strange--those of us who involve ourselves in places where there is the most suffereing, look back in surprise to find that it was there that we discovered the reality of joy."
Soul Survivor by Philip Yancey, page 85
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