"It's not a question of what you can do for me
What can I do for you my Lord"
Steve Fee, Look what you’ve done for me
This past year, 2003, I planned on going on the short term missions trip to Cancun Mexico. But that didn't happen. Why? There are no excuses that are valid that I can give. I could have said that I was working, but all that would mean is that I put making money over serving God. I also could have said that I wasn't ready or it was not the right time for me, but then I would have to ask myself if there ever WILL be a right time or WHEN I will be ready. No excuses. Now I have been presented with another opportunity to serve God. Some of you know (whoever was at the sharing at Pastor Joe's house on New Years Eve...heh) that I was thinking about joining the missions trip to China with my university fellowship ACF. Actually, it is working in part with OMF. There is a team of about 14 people going, and there are 7 spots left. There will be training and then going to China for a full month (July 1-30). My heart is torn by the emotions that I feel with this opportunity. On one side, my heart is saying GO GO GO, and the otherside is questioning whether God is telling me to go or whether it is just that...my emotions.
I have been struggling with finding out what exactly God wants me to do in my life. To be honest, I have felt that going to University is useless for me. Kinesiology is just...meh to me, no passion to do well (well not exactly, but i lack the motivation), I don't even know if I'll make the cut for 2nd year Kin. If i don't make it, what would I do? I have no clue as of now. Before I came here, i somewhat had a 5 year plan. To finish my 4 years of undergrad, and then take one year of teachers education. But that's where my plan stopped. Where would I teach? What would I teach? I didn’t' bother to think about it then...it seemed so far away. But now, it seems closer than ever. Where would I end up? Would I just be wasting my parent’s money in sending me to University? There are just so many things going on in my head that I don’t know what to do. The only thing I can do is to pray, and that sometimes makes me feel as if I’m talking to air. Which really sucks. It just sucks.
On the bus yesterday going back to rez after church, an elderly gentleman sat in front of my friends and I. He noticed the bible in my had and asked me what church I was coming from. We started some small talk and eventually he asked me what that morning’s sermon was on. My mind went blank and I did not know what to say. Thank goodness for my friends who quickly jumped in saying that it was on the beatitudes, Matt 5: 1-10. I got off the bus kicking myself in the butt. I was so disappointed at myself for not knowing that. I knew I paid attention during the sermon, I even almost memorized the passages. But then I reflected. Did I really pay attention during the sermon? I actually did not remember what the pastor said, or the main points. Crap. What is happening to me? Am I letting these distracting thoughts enter my mind and keep me from the word of God? Probably. That needs to change. And fast.
The gentleman from the bus got me thinking. If I was not prepared for even this simple question of what topic the sermon was on, how would I respond to something bigger, something perhaps more important as why did I believe, or who was Jesus? Sure I know these questions by heart…or do I? During lunch I said a prayer right there and then. “Lord, equip me with your word so that I will be ready.” But then I hit me. God has already equipped us with the necessary tools. The Holy Spirit when we first believed, and the Bible which has all the answers we would ever need to answer questions. But, it would be up to us to read, and equip ourselves with the tools that He has given us.
How many of you, can honestly say that you do your devotions everyday, not thinking that it was an obligation? Perhaps some of you do, but for me, I think it is. I haven’t actually had devotion time consistently for as long as I can remember. My mentality has to change. I need to make that change. Physically. It is easy to say that you will, maybe as a new year’s resolution. But acting upon it is way harder.
I’m thankful that I have a course that is about the New Testament this semester. This is one of my motivations of reading the New Testament starting from Matthew. But it shouldn’t be like this. I should have the motivation from the PASSION that we have for God.
Yesterday night when I read my bible, it was the ONLY time where I did not feel tired, or felt that it was an obligation. It was sort of a surprise to me. Was it the kick in the butt on the bus that lead me to this? If it was, THANK YOU GOD. It really kept me going. I tried to remember some of the beatitudes this morning in the shower and though it was fresh in my mind, I still had trouble. All of us have learned the armor of God sometime during out lifetime, but have we really APPLIED it? I sure haven’t. I couldn’t even remember what they were. The sword of what? The helmet of what? Mad disappointed at myself.
I don’t actually what I was rambling about in this post, but I guess I would be asking for a little prayer…mebbe a lot…I don’t know, but I really need more kicks in the butt this time, and as I continue with this life, I know I’ll need them. As for the missions trip, I am still thinking about it, I need to pray more (I really haven’t so far…maybe that’s why I have no clue what I’m doing…), but hopefully this is the right thing for me to do, and yes, it is right smack in the middle of summer…but will I let that hinder me? I truly hope not.
What can I do for you my Lord"
Steve Fee, Look what you’ve done for me
This past year, 2003, I planned on going on the short term missions trip to Cancun Mexico. But that didn't happen. Why? There are no excuses that are valid that I can give. I could have said that I was working, but all that would mean is that I put making money over serving God. I also could have said that I wasn't ready or it was not the right time for me, but then I would have to ask myself if there ever WILL be a right time or WHEN I will be ready. No excuses. Now I have been presented with another opportunity to serve God. Some of you know (whoever was at the sharing at Pastor Joe's house on New Years Eve...heh) that I was thinking about joining the missions trip to China with my university fellowship ACF. Actually, it is working in part with OMF. There is a team of about 14 people going, and there are 7 spots left. There will be training and then going to China for a full month (July 1-30). My heart is torn by the emotions that I feel with this opportunity. On one side, my heart is saying GO GO GO, and the otherside is questioning whether God is telling me to go or whether it is just that...my emotions.
I have been struggling with finding out what exactly God wants me to do in my life. To be honest, I have felt that going to University is useless for me. Kinesiology is just...meh to me, no passion to do well (well not exactly, but i lack the motivation), I don't even know if I'll make the cut for 2nd year Kin. If i don't make it, what would I do? I have no clue as of now. Before I came here, i somewhat had a 5 year plan. To finish my 4 years of undergrad, and then take one year of teachers education. But that's where my plan stopped. Where would I teach? What would I teach? I didn’t' bother to think about it then...it seemed so far away. But now, it seems closer than ever. Where would I end up? Would I just be wasting my parent’s money in sending me to University? There are just so many things going on in my head that I don’t know what to do. The only thing I can do is to pray, and that sometimes makes me feel as if I’m talking to air. Which really sucks. It just sucks.
On the bus yesterday going back to rez after church, an elderly gentleman sat in front of my friends and I. He noticed the bible in my had and asked me what church I was coming from. We started some small talk and eventually he asked me what that morning’s sermon was on. My mind went blank and I did not know what to say. Thank goodness for my friends who quickly jumped in saying that it was on the beatitudes, Matt 5: 1-10. I got off the bus kicking myself in the butt. I was so disappointed at myself for not knowing that. I knew I paid attention during the sermon, I even almost memorized the passages. But then I reflected. Did I really pay attention during the sermon? I actually did not remember what the pastor said, or the main points. Crap. What is happening to me? Am I letting these distracting thoughts enter my mind and keep me from the word of God? Probably. That needs to change. And fast.
The gentleman from the bus got me thinking. If I was not prepared for even this simple question of what topic the sermon was on, how would I respond to something bigger, something perhaps more important as why did I believe, or who was Jesus? Sure I know these questions by heart…or do I? During lunch I said a prayer right there and then. “Lord, equip me with your word so that I will be ready.” But then I hit me. God has already equipped us with the necessary tools. The Holy Spirit when we first believed, and the Bible which has all the answers we would ever need to answer questions. But, it would be up to us to read, and equip ourselves with the tools that He has given us.
How many of you, can honestly say that you do your devotions everyday, not thinking that it was an obligation? Perhaps some of you do, but for me, I think it is. I haven’t actually had devotion time consistently for as long as I can remember. My mentality has to change. I need to make that change. Physically. It is easy to say that you will, maybe as a new year’s resolution. But acting upon it is way harder.
I’m thankful that I have a course that is about the New Testament this semester. This is one of my motivations of reading the New Testament starting from Matthew. But it shouldn’t be like this. I should have the motivation from the PASSION that we have for God.
Yesterday night when I read my bible, it was the ONLY time where I did not feel tired, or felt that it was an obligation. It was sort of a surprise to me. Was it the kick in the butt on the bus that lead me to this? If it was, THANK YOU GOD. It really kept me going. I tried to remember some of the beatitudes this morning in the shower and though it was fresh in my mind, I still had trouble. All of us have learned the armor of God sometime during out lifetime, but have we really APPLIED it? I sure haven’t. I couldn’t even remember what they were. The sword of what? The helmet of what? Mad disappointed at myself.
I don’t actually what I was rambling about in this post, but I guess I would be asking for a little prayer…mebbe a lot…I don’t know, but I really need more kicks in the butt this time, and as I continue with this life, I know I’ll need them. As for the missions trip, I am still thinking about it, I need to pray more (I really haven’t so far…maybe that’s why I have no clue what I’m doing…), but hopefully this is the right thing for me to do, and yes, it is right smack in the middle of summer…but will I let that hinder me? I truly hope not.
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